Friday, April 29, 2011

6 years ago...

6 years ago life changed. Lots of those changes were easy to accept, some weren't. Let's be honest, 6 years ago I married a man I barely knew. I realize that now that I know him better than anyone else. But thats okay because the things I did know about him 6 years ago were enough to feel peace about becoming his wife...6 years ago. I know he feels the same way. 6 years ago there were a lot of "kinks" to work out when it came to living with eachother...there's still a few left. Since then we've learned how to let certain things go, when (and how) to accept the other person is right, how to tell what eachother is saying even when they are not saying it. He challenges me, and I soften his rougher edges. Without me we wouldn't have pictures of anything, without him we wouldn't know the importance of hard work. We both make eachother a little bit more normal. 6 years ago I didn't love him nearly as much as I love him now. But we've both always known that we made the right choice..6 years ago.

Monday, April 25, 2011


1. /'stress/
constraining force or influence: as
a : a force exerted when one body or body part presses on, pulls on, pushes against, or tends to compress or twist another body or body part; especially : the intensity of this mutual force commonly expressed in pounds per square inch

b : the deformation caused in a body by such a force

c : a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation

d : a state resulting from a stress; especially : one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium

e :
strain, pressure

....I went to the neurologist today, and this was his diagnosis...Stress. The allusive answer to seemingly every problem a person could have. Stress. How to cure stress? Do you get enough sleep? Yes. Do you get enough free time? What's enough? I know there is an age-old cure for stress that my husband is a big fan of, but I feel that base is covered as well. So I guess the million dollar question that will cure me of my blinding headaches is how
can I relieve the stress? How do you relieve your stress dear reader? Is it possible? I hope so.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Whilst skipping Sunday school...I mean...while in between blocks at church last Sunday, I was chatting with the Relief Society president about a task I was given for an upcoming Relief Society meeting, and she lovingly asked me to make sure and tell her if I was feeling overwhelmed, to which I replied "I'm fine" to which she asked "How?" which another participant of the conversation, who is a seasoned mother and tactfully honest, replied, "This is the Front stage...we can't see what's going on back stage". There were a few beats of silence until we all laughed and moved on with the conversation. So now I'm left thinking about whats really going on "Back stage"
West Virginia
Holly (The Mother/Wife), Kimball (The Father/Husband), Mya (Child #1), Aiden (Child #2)
My Life, more specifically the ins and outs of everyday life in all of its triumphs and failures.
Holly has been pregnant with child #3 with a husband who is close to finishing his first year as a surgical resident
Lately if someone came and took a look "back stage" you would be liable to find any or all of the following things:

  • Aiden crying in a fit of rage because something didn't happen EXACTLY the way he wanted it
  • Mya crying because Aiden is touching her things, or breathing her air
  • Both kids entertaining themselves because Holly is either A) Puking B) Laying down with a migraine C) eating or D) trying to do all three
  • Holly wishing Kimball would come home
  • Kimball asleep with both children on his lap wanting a story read to them
  • Holly screaming at the mystery person who she's certain is slipping poison in her food and causing her to still be puking
  • Mya using her new favorite phrase "..but I WANT to" this news will all of a sudden change my mind about letting her cut her own hair with safety scissors..."Oh well, since you WANT to that changes everything.."
  • Holly trying on 10 different outfits because each makes her look 10 lbs. heavier than the next
  • Holly wishing she lived close to any family that would feel at least semi-obligated to come rescue her out of her sweatpants
....not pretty. So if all appears to be right on the front stage, why not keep it that way, you may ask. Because I need a little reassurance that the certain scene of this "play" will have a happy outcome. I need to know that once my brain returns to normal and stops trying to pulse its way out of my skull, and once the culprit who is poisoning me is found and severely punished, I'll have accomplished the noble cause of motherhood once more. Will my family and I be slightly worse for wear, maybe, but it's worth it...right?

Both times I've had a child arrive there has been a moment when we first meet each other, just a small fleeting moment, there is a perceptible shift when we look at eachother and things become so clear. My purpose becomes clear. I'm waiting for that to happen again, which is really the only motivation for doing any of this. There are rare moments that come along that I feel it again, when Mya tells me I'm her best friend, or when Aiden walks over,takes out his pacifier and gives me a kiss, but never quite as strong as when I hold them for the first time. So for now thats what I'll keep waiting for, and until then I'll make sure that entrance to the "back stage" remains off limits.